My family values

This post is partially sparked by this Washington Post article that discusses the trend that richer, more educated people are choosing marriage (and kids) and that poorer, less-educated people are choosing kids, but not marriage.

DH and I certainly fall into the general trend discussed by the article. We're both college-educated, career-oriented, and solidly middle class. We lived together for a while before getting married, but we always knew that marriage was the end state for our relationship.

We diverged from the overall topic of the article as the discussion moved towards kids, but I don't think we're different than the overall trend not discussed in the article, which is choosing not to have children at all. We didn't always think we would be child-free, but once we realized that having children didn't align with out own life goals - both as individuals and as a couple - it was an easy choice.

Easy choice to make, but not an easy choice to defend, I should say.

I often wondered if there was something wrong with us, or with me, because we didn't want kids. In fact, we were fairly hostile to the idea, seeing kids as what people do when they don't know what else to do. For us, there was far too many things left to do to even think about anything else. Our values and life goals simply didn't allow for kids and we weren't willing to sacrifice them to satisfy what "society" seems to predestine.

We're happy to admit we're selfish; I love my DH so much that I don't want to share him, or his attention, with anyone else. We hear friends of ours who just got married talking about kids, and we're incredulous because our immediate reaction is "but you just got married, and there's so much in this world to see and do. Don't you want to enjoy each other first?" Of course, I have to immediately recognize that I am projecting my own values onto their lives, and since I don't want to be a hypocrite, have to shut up.

Regardless of what one's personal life values and goals are, the brilliant thing is having the choice. I acknowledge that I am fortunate enough to live in a time and a society which, for the most part, does accept that women are more than breeding machines.

Are my feelings based on my class? Probably. I am sure that I am much more aware of what's out there to see and do, and place much more value on seeing and doing those things, than the average high school graduate with no college degree. Another place, another time, another upbringing, and who knows what my values would be.