Countdown to 30: 15 days left

This month is flying by much faster than I anticipated. I took a look at the calendar today and realized that there are only 15 days left in my twenties. Which I am fine with, but which also makes me think a bit.

I don't really believe that turning 30 somehow makes a lot of life options unavailable to me; I really believe that if I wanted to change my career or lifestyle or whatnot at any point here forward I certainly have the capability to do so. But all the same, it gets harder to do so as time marches on. While I've opted not to take on some of the responsibilities that many my age do (kids!), I also recognize that my primary reason for doing so is because I have other ideas for what I want to do, ideas that become responsibilities in their own right.

When I turned 25, I was newly married, about to leave my first post-college job, and about to radically change what I was doing and the trajectory I thought I was on. There were a lot of challenges working against me that year (for example: I didn't get accepted to Georgetown on my first try, moving and buying a house was a brutal process with tons of its own obstacles and pitfalls, making sure that DH had a job to move to and that I had something to do when we moved was huge ordeal as well). Five years later, I'm not 100% certain that all the decisions that I made that year were the best ones, and I don't think that I am where I thought I would be when I made those decisions.

Regardless, even if I am really not closer to being what I want to be/do (which I don't think is entirely true), I do think that I am somewhat closer to knowing what I want to be/do. As I grow older, I start acknowledging what bits of fluff in my life I can do without, what bits I don't have and want to pursue, and above all else to be thankful for all that I do have that is important to me.

11 days after my 25th birthday was September 11, 2001. I'd spent my birthday in Florida - where I was born - visiting all the sites that I knew and loved as a child. We'd flown home on Tuesday, September 4th. I hate the constant invocation of Sept. 11th as a moment that changed history. It wasn't for me; my decisions to change my life had already been made. Nevertheless, the reminder that twists of fate cut short lives with so much potential, a reminder that resonates intensely with me, pushed away the fear that accompanied any doubts I had.

I'll likely also spend part of my 30th birthday in Florida, again probably visiting somewhere that was an important part of my childhood, but also incorporating elements that are becoming an important part of who I want to be as an adult.

It's pretty exciting.